The life and times of a fake Welshman

Acting - not quite a pointless subject...

2010-07-07T21:32:00.000+01:00

Now i'm a bit of a screwup in my job, although i'm sorting that out, I take part in lots of 'discussions' about various things mainly to do with leadership. Now, whilst suffering through yet another such chat, something came up that made my ears perk up.

"For what purpose is all the toil and bustle of this world? What is the end of the pursuit of wealth, power and pre-eminence? - It is to be observed, to be attended to, to be taken notice of with sympathy, complacency and approbation"

Clever chap - a scotsman - and for the hard of thinking amongst you, he is referring to a persons continual need for acceptance and to be noticed by people. Now, as the 'discussion' moved on, my Mind took off in a totally different direction (Body is good at keeping up the appearance that Mind is still with it even when its actually away with the fairies).

My thoughts were this - well, ON this subject - the subject of acting, and just how well it sets you up for later life. Now we all know all the amusing jokes you can make about a degree in 'acting' but if you think about how much you have to put on an act in real life. We all know people who go on and on about how they 'don't care what people think' well that's just bullshit, frankly apart from in the very very rarest of cases (watch all those advocates leap to tell us they are in that small group)

Well sorry I don't believe you, and nor should anyone. People - humans - are hardwired into wanting to be loved, its just what we need. As such, how we appear to other people is very very important to us and lets face it, everyone has a personality trait they are slightly embarrassed about... do you see where this is going?

Now, I did acting when I was younger - at 'The Gateway' in Shrewsbury, on a Friday night. Thinking about it, whilst Body made attentive face shapes to the officer giving the brief, I decided on just how much it had helped me. Confidence blooms from acting, in the way you move, the way you talk, the way you act around people. It allows you to put on a different persona depending on the person you are talking to, of immense use day to day. In my job, it allows you to take charge of a group of people, and 'lead'. Whatever that is (yes i've had many lectures, but Body really is good at covering for Mind)

As such, i'm of the firm belief that taking, or at least learning acting as a subject at any level is of great value later in life. With 70 graduates going for a single job this summer, how important is the degree certificate compared to how you act dress and speak whilst in the interview? And how important are they compared to each other when it comes to getting along with co workers, and your boss?

Exactly. I think, we have just concluded that a Degree in acting is more important and useful than a degree in astro-physics.

Or something...

The fickle public...

2010-06-26T12:01:00.003+01:00

Ok, now we as a state are in the shit - you all realise that, don't you? We are facing the most horrendous debt mountain, courtesy of our last government's wanton spending - "what do you mean you can't do that? But we promised..... fine, here have another £1bn.... YES we can afford it, i'll just take out another loan.."

So it's there, a horrible malevolent pile of cost, and frankly our shiny new government needs to do something about it... so they have, and in all fairness I can kinda see the point in what they have cut - it makes sense in the main. Council sponsored newspapers for example... or public sector pay (and remember, I currently work in the public sector too)

But you see, that is just it. I think 980 billion pounds is just too big a number to get your head around, which is why people just don't seem to accept the cuts. Everyone understands cuts are needed, just not in a way that affects them.

A few months ago I posted that humans aren't all that bad really... well, we aren't, in the main however in this case we are because the race is programmed in to be selfish. Fact. We hate anything that will stop us progressing, and will fight rail and jump up and down throwing a huge tantrum against anyone trying to stop us despite the necessity of the measures.

Which is why I don't hold out too much hope. The public (you, us) will need to be dragged kicking and screaming through this period.

You know what? I would bet my two frozen years of pay that come the other side, when the debt has been tackled in about 5 years time, all the taxpayer will remember is the pain and not the necessity, and a new government will be voted into power, and the ones that saved us will be hounded out and derided.

It's really quite depressing

Yachting, and boating in general

2010-06-24T12:24:00.000+01:00

Ok, i'm a convert.

It was crap, really.

22ft, single mast. Old, cramped. Bilge keel, so you couldn't really tack against the wind.

'Fox bat'. - what a rubbish name.

Yes, it was a yacht I've been bobbing around the Solent on this past week. It wasn't very good, but the experience... now that was brilliant. I've always held the belief that Yaching is pointless now that we have designed and built the internal combustion engine. Powerboats go faster, look better and are far simpler, and actually cost LESS, as well as not having to worry about keep types too much.

So, when I was told I was to go yachting, I felt a little annoyed. When I saw Foxbat (or HMS Doris as we named her) I was even more annoyed, as we had a three man crew and 22ft isn't really very long at all in boat terms. So on monday off we bobbed, and I mean bobbed because a) there wasn't much wind, and b) the Fox terrier class of yacht is pretty slow. Read 'very' slow. Yet it didn't seem to matter, as in the best traditions of fun, the company and the fact is was absolutely blazing sunshine made the trip. Once the rather annoying engine was turned off and we (at a pace a tortoise would be happy with) took off, it was rather enjoyable...

The little boat leaned away from the wind, tacking was rather exciting if mostly pointless and we had two other boats in company with us, and this swiftly turned into a race as you tend to get when you put 8 young people on 3 yachts and give them free rein. The frivolity was added to by the need to throw the coconuts we had bought on impulse at each other in attempts to hole the boats.

There is, you see, something awfully free about yachting in this modern world. It's free to move, as there is (usually) wind in abundance. Not only that, but the very neccessity of having to have a skill to use the damn sails adds a pride in the job - our race was all the better because it was skill at tacking and sailing as close to the wind as possible that made the difference - not engine size. The silence, the freedom of ghosting along the waves, unhindered by traffic jams, or motorway congestion, or old people - it is the perfect antidote to the modern living lifestyle. You get where you are going, on a route you are completely free to choose, by your own skill, and in utter calm and silence.

Now, I just need a bigger Yacht....

Laugh, nobody cares...

2010-05-04T11:14:00.003+01:00

I've recently realised just how many people simply cannot laugh at themselves. Its amazing actually to see how serious some people are, and if you try even a small jest how affronted and angry they get...

I don't get that, it's not in the my nature anymore after a couple of hard years at school - it makes you a better person to be able to laugh at yourself, and here is my theory on this - that there are 3 different ways of approaching this in life...

Arrogance - being aware of all your positive aspects of yourself, and your strengths and being totally unaware of your negatives, and letting that colour everything you do. Usually visible by loud self declarations and an inability to see the other side of any given story. They WILL be right, that square leg WILL go in that round hole...

Lacking in Confidence - Being overly aware of your failings and not really accepting that you have any strengths. Usually the one sobbing in the corner, or just looking terrified and a little nervous if you speak to them

Confidence - what everyone should aspire too! Aware of strengths, and weaknesses and simply not caring, and this is crucial, about either - it is a self awareness, and that is what you need as then you can work to better yourself without the need to tell everyone - which everyone should thank you for, really...

Maybe humans don't suck THAT much...

2010-04-16T23:17:00.003+01:00

huh...

It's certainly been a while, I'll give you that. In my defence I've been enduring some pretty intensive training, at a certain Naval College in the UK... however, I suppose that shouldn't get in the way of a post now and again. It tends to though, but that's not the point, I didn't wander back to this posting box to make excuses anyway.

Oh no, I came to make a point, a point that I'm not really that sure on right now, or even how I'm going to make it, so let see shall we?

Basically, I've just been kicked in the teeth by life somewhat. Something that should have happened to me hasn't, and I now have to go through some rather irritating and pointless weeks to re-prove myself. This is unavoidable however, and all I can do about it is, get on with it.

I guess that's what I'm aiming at here - "getting on with it" Human beings have been "getting on with things" since the dawn of time. If we didn't, as a collective, then I really don't believe we'd be sitting here in our cities of metal and glass enjoying the fruits of centuries of discovery. History is littered by countless examples of people taking a beating, having the universe take an almighty sh*t on them, but rolling up their sleeves and sorting the problems out, and growing despite the problem they had had.

I think that it's something that gets forgotten amongst all the self deprecation and self hate that characterises modern society - we ARE good at some things and we forget these to our detriment - if we are going to sort the myriad of problems in this Earth out, I think resourcefulness and a never give up attitude will be pretty damn crucial.

The need for rough men...

2009-08-08T15:28:00.002+01:00

I've had some rather disturbing news today.

An acquaintance of mine, she'll be a little freaked out if I call her a friend so I won't, was robbed, last night. Father held at gunpoint, the reprobates who did it showed cowardice, greed and a total disregard for others.

There is a fairly common saying - "People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf" - George Orwell said that, and it has struck true through out the ages. There are horrible, sickening people out there, but there are others, good, tough men and women who take a stand, who are willing to risk themselves, their very ethics and psychological wellness to kill, wound or arrest the evil.

These people deserve the respect and deference of all. In America, they get this. The UK, not so much although that is slowly changing.

The problem is, that there may be plenty of these brave men and women.... but governments have got lost, in the hundreds of years since their inception. Along the way, their initial, total aim of defending the right, freedoms and civil liberties of the state and its inhabitants got mixed up with laws for food safety, running transport networks.... bailing out banks. With all these added pressures, less and less importance has been attached to that early critical role, with the cost of people livelihoods - and often indeed lives at risk. This is lamentable, but in a world where an idiot like Amy Winehouse get more coverage and fans than the police, the Army..the Navy well that world is the wrong way around.

What can be done about it I do not know. J, I hope everything works out for you soon.

Things are.... easier.

2009-08-05T13:55:00.004+01:00

I'm hungover. Again.

However, I shall persevere and continue because I feel the need to mention something that my wise old Grandmother told me.

You see, I've always believed that we as the human race have trapped ourselves in a never ending cycle of having to work hard, to get the items to make life easier, to keep up with the harder lifestyle. Well, I do believe that this has SOME basis in fact...however, I was told something.

Back in the day, many many....many many many moons ago, my Grandmothers father used to work on the roads, laying tarmac Wales growing road network, building it. The days were long, the work was hard, the machinery fairly dangerous and manual, backbreaking labour being the order of the day. To get to wherever he needed to work, he would cycle, on one of the old poorly made bicycles (NOT a Penny Farthing, you cheeky sod, I know what you were thinking) for miles and miles, having to start off very early in the morning to get anywhere.

So, early morning, long cycle to backbreaking work from 8am until around 5pm. Then, after cycling home he would have his dinner (all he'd have eaten all day being maybe a cheese sandwich and a flash of cold tea) then go out to tend the two large gardens, until he would go to bed at about 10pm, ready for the next day to do it all again.

All for little wage.

You see, modern life isn't that bad, modern road workers have cheap personal cars, large lunches, modern technology to make the work easier, plenty of time off, and a massive agricultural support network to make sure he does not need to grow his own food...

Who knew, maybe modern life does have something to recommend it...

Hangovers...

2009-08-02T16:00:00.004+01:00

Oh god.

Oh dear god.

I went out last night ladies and gentlemen, and wowza does my head sting. It's my own fault, I know, I mixed drinks, beer and cider and vodka and sambuka all in together, mixing up in my stomach and creating a horrible sickly feeling. Hm.

Whats more, I don't know why I do it, I know the effect it will have, I know it's bad for me, yet I go do it anyway. Peer pressure can't be the reason, there are plenty of other things I should be peer pressured into doing - following good music, for example - but I don't... so what is it?

I think that its something to do with the effect that alcohol has on life... rather than yourself. Yes yes we all know alcohol effects the mind, but from the inside, looking out through the eyes its the world that changes...

Things become funnier
People seem more attractive
Embarrassing things don't seem as embarrassing...

It makes it more worthwhile to go out - without alcohol going out sucks! It's boring, too loud and smells.

But alcohol makes us act like we would it just we were a little more confident in ourselves... confidence that has been drummed out of ourselves by television, seeing these apparently perfect humans with teeth and bodies and humour most would love! But we do not feel (unless you are Jess) that we can meet that ideal, so we need a kick start to get us there... alcohol.

It gives you night to remember. Last night will undoubtedly be remembered fondly... after I get rid of this damn headache...

Big things, little things

2009-08-01T13:07:00.003+01:00

"The best things come in little packages"

Now, i'm sorry, but that's simply not true. As I sit here, all the best things that I can think of, money, food, beds, cars, TV's, families - all come in large packages.

Money - more money is better,

Food is better when there's more of it (remember we're speaking of the 'best' things - so that must mean really good food, and lots of really good food is better than not very much, really good food),

Beds - come on, do you know anyone who likes a small bed? No, everyone loves massive beds they can roll about on

TV's - again, come on, everyone loves a massive TV

Families - you want as many as possible, because that means you still have the full set... I've lost two, my grandfathers, and trust me, it was better bigger.

Now i'm sure people are pointing out things like disease, and possibly dogs, and jumping up and down pointing at lots of other things, but you must remember, the saying say's the 'best' things in life...and disease and big dogs really aren't the best things in life! So once more i'm proved... wait

I forgot...

there is one thing in life that comes best in little...well....'slim' packages...

ahem. girls (Yeah, you're in this group too J)

Why it is good to be old...

2009-07-29T14:13:00.003+01:00

Creaky bones, short sight, leathery skin, lack of stamina, loss of sexual potency, deafness, plus a whole raft of fun and interesting diseases... are all reasons that it SUCKS to be old.

Yes, I know, being old has many many disadvantages. Mostly physical... but then, if you keep you're mental capacity, here you really are quids in.

You see, it is impossible to patronise an old person. If they have anything about them then they just don't care what you think. They've BEEN there, seen it, done it, and nothing will change their mind. So what if you try tell them about the joys and ease of the internet - they've been banking in person, and reading the newspaper all their life, so why change? Their happy, and they just don't care and thats what's so brilliant. That they are old, and simply do not gve a damn about what they do or say anymore.

For example, see one of my all time heros, Prince Phillip, the Queens Husband and Duke of Edinburgh. He is casually racist, and simply does not care and thats what makes him such a refreshing breath of fresh air...for example...

To a blind woman with a guide dog... "do You realise that they have eating dogs for the anorexic nowadays'

To a British Person in Budapest... " You can't have been herethat long, you don't have a pot belly"

To a Scottish Driving instructor.. "So how do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to get them through the test?"

To a student who had been trekking in Papu new guinea... "So, you managed not to get eaten then?"

I recommend you look more up there are even more amusing ones.

So there you go - say what you want, do what you want and not give a damn. You just need to accept some slippage in you're body, is all. Best of all, you never need be patronised ever again...

I miss...

2009-07-23T09:33:00.004+01:00

I'm getting old. I'm 22, and that means i'm practically dead, quite frankly. Or so it feels. I'm having to get all grown up, I keep catching myself thinking seriously about where I am going to get a house - Shrewsbury near my parents? Maybe further afield somewhere even nicer, like Warwick, or Bath, or Chester? Then again in the military we move around all the time, so whats the point, why not just wait....

It's a conundrum, thats a fact as I hate feeling grown up.

Plus, all girls seem to have boyfriends. Now, don't get me wrong, I have a girlfriend and I love her very much, but i'm harkening back 1 year and 6 months before we began to go out, and i'll tell you, the above fact was depressing, for the single man.

I also miss house parties. Parents go away, a crowd of friends descend on a house and make it their own for a night. Nowadays, most people seem to be working, or doing something else meaning a 'house party' is 4 people sitting around a table. Boring.

I also miss the fact that exams didn't really matter. They required no effort to pass, so you could focus on other things, like sports, computer games and being rubbish at talking to girls. You could skive off several classes a week and sit in the park right by the college in the sun,
just enjoying yourself.

That's right, i'm on about 6th Form - old enough to drive and drink, but not old enough to have many things to worry about in life. If I could go back, I would.

A Graduation

2009-07-16T22:46:00.004+01:00

You stand on a stage in front of 500 people, and the last three years of your life crystallise in front of you, in the form of an elderly chap, wearing black and silver robes, with a mildly concussed smile and a ridiculous hat with a tassel on it. He smiles, and recites something in Welsh that you don't understand. You smile back and bend your neck, touching the corner of your mortarboard hat. He does the same, and then says something else as you're name is read out - with the associated sniggering as people heard you're ridiculous middle name - to the multitudes, before it's over, and you sweep off stage to allow the next person a brief moment in the spotlight.

So this is what i've spent money and time on, for the last three years of my life. I felt proud, surprisingly. I wasn't expecting that feeling to be in there among the others - boredom (why is this ceremony so LONG), fear (don't trip up don't trip up don't trip up) amusement (that old professors going to sleep....). But it was there, nestling in a smug self satisfied way among the others. In a way i've earned it, so I suppose its not surprising my hind-brain shoved it in without consulting the fore-brain. I didn't work anywhere NEAR as hard as I should have done, I know i'm a 1st student, if I wasn't so lazy, but I still worked... well, enough. Enough to come out with a perfectly passable, perfectly good grade to finish my full time educational career off. So I think that short moment on stage in front of friends family and many strangers was worth it, about right.

I am now an Alumni of Aberystwyth University, a Graduate of their International Relations Department - DW, BScEcon (Hons)

If i'd have got a 1st mind, I would have wanted a bloody fireworks display!

iPhone's 'R' us

2009-07-12T16:50:00.003+01:00

That's annoying. I can't seem to make the 'R' turn around in the title... hmm. No matter, I shall soldier on!

Yes ladies and gentlemen, I have bowed to popular appeal, and got myself an iPhone - the new 4G one, with the 16GB of memory, with 500 free texts and 600 free minutes, and unlimited free Internet - all for the fairly reasonable price of £35 a month. (which, courtesy of my new iPhone's currency converter 'App' is, at the time of writing, exactly $57.35 a month)

I always thought all a mobile phone needed to do was call people, and send texts. I didn't really bother with music or video or whatever, although I would occasionally send a picture message. Yeah well fuck that. This new toy of mine has opened my eyes - mobile Internet, facebook, YouTube, Twitter, currency converters, GPS, an app to tell me good bars nearby, iTunes at my fingertips.... its a whole new way of working, and I love it, I truly do.

Modern technology is wonderful... and therein lies another home truth. We, as a species ADVANCE through discovery. We forge ahead, at what really is breakneck speed - more recently, the last 100 years or so we've gone even faster, as we dream up and discover ever greater gadgets to help us discover more.

On the way, we've fucked up. Coal fired power stations, petrol vehicles.....genocide. We're slowly but surely ruining the planet, and soon it'll be dead, and us with it. So we need to buy some time, time that we can use to discover a way to travel space, to find new places to live, cause we only had one toy - earth - and we're done a pretty good job of wrecking it so far.

But you know, this iPhone gives me hope. For you see, that is how we will save the Earth, and with it ourselves - technology. Not stopping steam trains, or charging people £50 extra tax to run a all wheel drive car, or driving Toyota bloody Priuses (actually on the whole 34% worse for the environment than a Range Rover greeny) or holding climate change meetings.

No. It'll be incredibly smart men and women, driving the human race forwards towards a future where we use hydrogen in cars, where power is resourced cheaply, where everything in recyclable and where ships - and this sounds strange but apparently its the new thing - go back to using wind to travel... by use of kites (look it up, its amazing)

So, people, you find me in a happy mood. I have a new toy, but more so than usual I believe we aren't all going to die on an irradiated husk of a planet in the next few hundred years. We have the capability to save ourselves and our home, we just need to fund the people who can help us.

Cheap Holidays only work with Friends

2009-07-07T18:16:00.003+01:00

Right. I'm currently sitting in a ma-hu-sive bar, restaurant sports area..thing, on the free wi fi provided.

That is, ladies and gentlemen, because I am at that very British Place, of 'Centre Parks'..or 'Parcs'....something.

For any Americans out there, its basically a holiday village type place with various attractions dotted about. It's very family oriented, that's why me and 4 other 22 (and one 21 year old - bastard) have come. No, I don't think it makes sense either.

The attractions are overpriced. Ridiculously so. It costs £22 ($40) for an hour's laser clay shooting, £55 for hovercraft driving for an HOUR! The lust goes on, and the food is no better, expensive and fairly normal/tasteless. Captive audiences, and all that. It's been raining non stop, the myriads of children all over the bloody place are really starting to bug me - one ran into me earlier on a bloody bicycle (git). Even the water park, although fun, isn't really too varied.

However...and I may get a bit.. wet here (apt, because due to the rain I'm covered in water and still haven't dried off in the hour since I came inside). but the people actually make it fun. All you need from a holiday is to laugh, and if it's because people are taking the piss and joking around, that's fine. It's what's needed, lightheartedness, and so far it's staved off a pretty poor experience.

Joys :)

A degree finishes...

2009-07-06T00:32:00.002+01:00

Earlier I posted about how a segment, an incredibly important part of my life has ended and buggered off into the wilderness.

Well, my degree result has come through, and it turns out I have graduated with an Upper Second Class degree. Not bad for a 40% effort methinks.

It is also dawning on me that I may have got through life despite being a little....dyslexic. I keep getting picked up for spelling and grammatical errors that I simply cannot see. This is alarming ot say the least, not least because if i'd have registered earlier I could have had a free laptop.... shit.

The Weather

2009-07-05T14:17:00.003+01:00

I have a rule of thumb, when it comes to the weather reports: Don't Bother.

Many a day I spring from my bed, bright eyed and excited about the myriad of possibilities the world holds..no wait, that's wrong, I'll try again...

Usually I fall from my bed groaning at the unfairness of it all, rubbing my eyes and generally bemoaning the need to, you know, 'do stuff'. Upon hauling my carcass off the floor I turn on my TV, which inevitably is BBC news, staffed by perma-grinning presenters. Their all morning people. Bastards.

Anyway, at the end comes a weather report, and often I am told the weather is light and breezy with a hint of rain. This is, as I gaze out of my window, which is doing a sterling job at holding off the rain. Or we are told that it will be overcast and cloudy... as I pull on my shorts in preparation to going outside, which is doing it's damnedest to impersonate the Sahara.

Now I'll admit, sometimes they get it right. But lets face it, it's just a matter of probability - I mean, if you guess at something with a finite number of possibilities every day for years on end SOME are bound to be right.

At the end of the day, I'll wear what seems appropriate, which I will judge not by what a orange skinned chirpy tooth person on the television is telling me, but by simply looking out the window. AND I don't need to pay TV Licensing to own a window.

The only weather gauge I need is the old Shepherds saying

'Red Sky at Night, Shepherds Delight
Red Sky in the Morning, Shepherds Warning'

It's right a lot more than the weather people...

A collection of my darting thoughts...

2009-06-30T15:51:00.003+01:00

I'm back! Rejoice, be happy and generally feel good about the world, because you get to read another one of my blogs. Actually, that's probably NOT what you'll be feeling, but it lets me feel better, so allow me the fantasy, ok? ok.

I've just got back from FRANCE, more specifically the South of said country, on a delightful holiday, with Beloved, avec my parents at their home they keep down there. Sounds very James Bond, doesn't it.

Well, it isn't. Turns out I'm allergic to France. Seriously, I haven't had hay fever in YEARS (yeah that earlier blog about hay fever - turns out it wasn't hay fever, it was a summer cold) yet I go there, and I'm immediately reduced to a sniffing sneezing wreck. Bloody country.

Oh, and I didn't eat out well ONCE. They tell me that France is the centre of 'haute cuisine' - yeah, well it ain't, as far as I can tell. Every time I ordered I got a crappy meal. First time I thought I was getting steak. What I got, was thin strips of un cooked beef, that was drenched in this oily stuff. Not cool. Then I tried for steak again... fillet Minion.... nope, that's not FILLET, it's PORK.

Anyone who is about to point out it's my own fault for not being able to speak the language, kindly shut the hell up.

Oh, and driving is nuts. Every Frenchman believes himself to be Villeneuve, and capable of dragging a 10000 year old Renault 5 around a hairpin at a billion miles an hour. In effect what this means is they are inevitably on the wrong side of the road. If the french want to drive on the right (incorrect) side of the road, just make it law for the left (correct) side to be used - ensuring they would always be on the right.

Anyone else who is about to point out I'm being a big girl and to man up, again, shut the hell up.

Oh, and the language sucks. It doesn't make sense, and although I hate not being able to speak the language, and being the archetypal Brit, I resent being made to feel like a pleb for not managing it.

In other news, I'm going into the Royal Navy, as a Pilot no less! Yes, I shall be Top Gun in the UK, a steely eyes aviator who can dash about the sky shooting down hordes of evil enemy types, and saving many beautiful women. In my mind, as it is I have 5 years of training to look forwards to, and will probably end up in a helicopter squadron anyway.

This does, however give me the fun idea that I can, when the ship visits Florida, visit J's house and hover over the roof, showing off and generally causing a fuss, simply to annoy her. Result.

Geeks and Nerds

2009-06-19T23:48:00.004+01:00

I read a blog, of a friend (yeah, I called you a friend, live with it J) who has recently got a job for herself. In it she describes the inner nature of 'nerds'. Which got me thinking, the massive cogs in my massivly underworked mind grinding around shedding rust, because I've known for a long time now that I'm a nerd, a geek.... and i'm ok with it.

I used to, and still do, play with Warhamer models. I don't buy them anymore, but I can't physically get rid of them. They sit there in my cupboard, gathering dust, but I lok at them and remember past triumphs, battle won and lost, hero figures who have slaughtered thousands..in my imagination, anyway.

I have an addiciton to computer games. I think I may be a cyborg, as where normal people need help to stare at a TV or computer screeen for more than 4 hours, I do not. I can go on and on and on, with no hint of failure. I also enjoy computer games, and will sit for hours, immersing myself. I can be GTA IV's Dimitri, Master Chief, 'Soap' or innumerable other tough, strong funny characters that I cannot be in real life. Or I can create someone, and rule the world through Total War: Empire, or whatever.

I still use MSN, or yahoo messenger. Most people my age gave up on it years ago, but I still log on, because I enjoy it, and the random conversations it produces. I also understand things like processors, and RAM, and which GeForce Card is best. I do, when most people will literally fall down, brain dribbling from their ears if you try explain it too them.

I also find things.... interesting. Gearboxes. Birds. Books. I LOVE knowledge, and am capable of in depth discussions on most topics, no matter how boring most people find them. Every little piece of knowledge is to be snapped up and stored, to mercilessly used against people who are only making polite conversation, and who weren't expecting, with good reason, to be assailed by a 5 minute spiel of rhetoric about a Greater Spotter Woodpeckers tongue and brain cushioning. Or some such. Poor people.

To cap it all off I used to LARP. Live Action Role Play. Smacking each other with latex weapons, creating a charcter, living as them for a few weekends over the summer. I was a member of the 'Dragons' faction, of Lorien Trust. I loved it, it was the ultimate form of escapism, and for someone with acne as bad as I had, then that is no bad thing. The ultimate form of 'sadness' in some peoples eyes mind you.

The thing is, the thing is.... this caused endless problems for me at school - bullying and the like. I'm not going to regale you with tales of it all, but the words 'freak' and 'fucking moron' were bandied around, usually by those who wouldn't understand the importance of a woodpeckers cushioned brain if one pecked them in the forehead. But I really don't care. These things, no matter how sad, and geeky, make me happy.

At the end of the day, why be ashamed of something that you take enjoyment from?

Williams's Britain

2009-06-18T19:50:00.004+01:00

Right. We've broken our country, which is pretty hard to do.

Now, this is a common complaint, throughout the ages. 'Blah blah blah, things aren't as good as they used to be blah blah blah' Yeah, well I think finally, for the first time since forever, the Old People have got it right. I think we've really gone to hell in a handcart now.

It's hard to specify exactly what's wrong though. Our education system sucks. Most school leavers can't read, write or spell properly, let alone speak with the Queens English. Our Military is being asked to do more and more jobs on ever decreasing levels of expenditure. We used to have 401 Warships, in the 1960's. Now we have 101, and only 26 of those are Destroyers or Frigates ie 'real' warships. Our Justice system is not feared by criminals, the government is corrupt as they can manage, and racism is growing - those f*cking idiots up north have voted 2 BNP members into the European Parliaments - for any Americans reading this, this is a far right party who claim that "Rape isn't so bad, because all women enjoy sex. It would be like force feeding them chocolate!" The Police have no powers - or too many it's all balanced wrong. Plus, I don't even know where to begin with the NHS (National Health Service).

So. Being a genius, I believe I have several things that I, as a Prime Minister, would change. In no particular order, all equally important, all things that need doing and saying, but politico's are too damn cowardly to accept or perform. So

Williams' Britain.

GOVERNMENT:

Parties have broken this system. The 'Whip' system means that MP's don't represent their constituencies, have no real links with the people, and usually are not voted in because of who they are, but rather what colour badge they wear. Well. No more. Political Parties will be BANNED, and any person who wants to stand in a constituency must stand as an independent. Not only that, but there are too many constituencies - we have counties, lets use them - one MP per County, with an additional MP for every town or city of over 10 000 people. Voted upon for FIXED terms, every 4 years. Councillors also voted for at this time - 3 per MP, working with them. Frankly we don't need more than that.

Ah ha, but now we need to sort out the ministry - because these MP's are simply there to represent constituencies, and vote on laws free from the bonds of Parties. Well, ministers are voted in separately, also for 4 year terms - overlapping the MP Elections, so there are 2 years between alternate MP/Ministerial Elections. Not only that, but we need to lose the amount of ministers we have now. 20+ is too many. Keep it simple, and most of all, make sure Ministers cannot control or influence other Ministers. So, lets say the following...

Prime Minister - oversees and controls the running of Parliament and Ministers, and controls the budget, which must be voted upon and approved by the Parliament of independent MP's.
Health Minister
Defense Minister
Foreign Minister
Interior Minister - Police, Judiciary and Prisons
Business Minister - Trade and such
Transport Minister
Environment Minister
Education Minister

The, for the Lords - more elected, only this is for LIFE and for a limited number of places - 3 each of Defense Lords, Law Lords, Parliamentary Lords and Medical Lords. Experts in their fields, who are responsible for assessing the laws the ministers draft. Once they pass a law, it goes to the Commons for the vote.

This separates the law and decision making branches, with the assessment branches - unlike our current system, where the govt can do whatever it damn well pleases.

On this note - the civil service - currently the size of Sheffield - does NOT need to be that big. Massive cuts.

TRANSPORT: The rail links would immediately go back to government ownership. I'm sorry, we've seen how they do privately, and frankly it doesn't bloody work. Fact. Get over it, move on. Driving - ah ha, well now. One test based upon 1970's practises is WRONG. So. A new, 3 year program, starting from age 16, with a test each year, with training on how to drive over skid pans, and control crashes, as well as an experience at real speed - making young drivers realise passing a test does NOT make them the new Colin McRae. When their out, the car they can drive should be LIMITED - to no more than 2 seats, a crash test rating of at least 5 stars, and a top speed of no more than 70, although the engine must be capable of much more than that to make sure the vehicles are not dangerously slow. On the subject of cars, a repeat single test every 8 years for LIFE, and any car over 10 years old scrapped - their crap for the environment, get over it. To save it, you must bid for 'classic car' status. All roadworks should be done fast - it stops cars working on idle, and that's good for the environment, and its good for business. Speed Camera's - take them OFF the motorways (which the speed limits on will be increased to 80mph like every other sensible country int he world) and put them in ever 30mph zone in the UK, where they are needed.

DEFENSE: Right. This is particularly broken from year of neglect. We are a maritime Nation, and as such, 2.2% of the GDP is not enough. Increase that to 5%, or around £75bn, and a focus on once More building a world class Navy - it is the most effective of the three services. The Army should be re-roled to expeditionary force level, Brigade centric, and the RAF can be dropped - yes, well done you won the Battle of Britain, but now you're a waste of time and horrendously inefficient.

CIVIL SECURITY: A complete look at every law in the UK - there are some we just never bothered getting rid of, and they need ditching. Not only that, many laws need lifting, as we have never been controlled to such an extent. I'd also introduce the law that no law should take more than one page of A4 to write - if it does its too complex, and should be broken down. Not only that, but ALL lawyers in the UK would be government employees, cutting back this ridiculous 'claims' culture we've caught, like VD, from the USA, and so being able to roll back the frankly appalling levels of 'health and Safety'. The Police - reformed into the County area's again given a release from paperwork, and given the support needed to effectively police the country better, as opposed to focusing on 'speed' and all the petty crimes committed by normally law abiding citizens - you now, the easy ones that don't cause problems. The creation of a Gendermerie/Carabinieri/FBI style para-military national force, that will also take control of border control, and serious crimes, as well as being the premier counter terror unit from SWAT style teams, down to Internet crime and surveillance teams. Call it the 'British Constabulary' or something.

Prisons - no longer duvet and TV based 3 square meals a day - it's known that the hard core criminals do not fear prison, they see it as just time away. Well, fuck human rights, its time to make it scary again. One meal a day, of poor food. Itchy blankets, that have to be made correctly every day at 6am. No lying in, no sleeping - they committed a crime, they must suffer for it. For less serious crimes, the current system would be acceptable.
POWER: Right, coal is too dirty, wind and waves don't produce enough. We need power NOW, and the only way we are going to manage it is to use NUCLEAR. Yes, I know, its terribly hard to get rid of the waste, but we have no choice, and that's why the next step would be to introduce a Space program, to build rockets - all waste goes onto rockets, and is then promptly fired into the sun, which is one big BALL of nuclear energy. Also, investment in hydrogen power production plants, and engine development. Britain, somehow, has some of the very best minds in the world, and they should be harnessed Hydrogen is the new power, and if we set ourselves up as the experts, then so much the better.

NHS: I have links, and it s bloated by inefficient, badly trained and frankly quite stupid layers of middle management and bureaucracy. Hospitals should be run by the Doctors - and yes, its a good idea to have bureaucrats to help with paperwork, but not if they are dictating policy, and not if there are too many, like now.
Plus, if anyone should buy or get Private health insurance, they automatically lose entitlement to free health care. Plus, many of the current things provided for on the NHS should be taken off their responsibilities - such as artificial insemination/IVF amongst other things.

EDUCATION: OK. Children are the future, so why are we so crap at this? Primary school should be about giving a firm balance of reading and writing and spelling. Secondary school should take the focus OFF old authors and specialist subjects, and focus on cementing writing/maths skills, and introducing values - teaching of the holocaust, and especially of the shared beginnings all humans have, which would go a long way towards eliminating racism as people understand how similar humans all are. History - things we need to be proud of, Empire is not a dirty word, and a massive part of where we come from. The sciences - instead of three separate classes, make it one, and make it BASIC. Knowledge of plants is NOT needed - sex education, how to cook, how to wire plugs IS. If a pupil wants to focus in, that's what 6th Form should be for - a 3 year as opposed to 2 year course.
Finally University - a cull is needed. There are too many uni's, and it is making a degree worthless. As a quick fix, I suggest taking the top 50 unis from the current list, and closing the others down. Practical skills are dying, simply because too many students get sucked into university.

I'm sure I will think of more, but those would be a start to resetting ourselves.. Thank you for reading so far, if you agree, please let me know. If you don't, then obviously you aren't worth speaking too. ;)

Broken human bodies...

2009-06-12T18:48:00.003+01:00

Look. This 'God' chap. He's supposed to be all knowing, omnipresent, the perfect being. Ok. So, the next bit of the story is that he created us, humans, yeah? Ok, ok, the story goes on to say we're bad and everything, eating the apple etc, BUT the form of men, and women, is his creation and then THAT means that we're perfect.

Well, sorry to piss all over you're parade ladies and gentlemen but he really messed up.

I've spent a horrible, disgusting day dead. I'm dying, practically and physically, bought low by tiny little floating spores of DEATH. Well, 'grass pollen' to any other unbroken normally working humans. Yes, I have Hayfever, which is why i'm in such a bad mood really. Stupid little floating things, can't even avoid them 'cause you can't even see them. Then here are other people who are allergic to SUNLIGHT, how crap is that!!

Hey, also, not to put a fine point on it, but lots of other things don't really work. Elbows - why cover them with the skin from a ball sack? Nipple - men have them, and why? Because up to a certain point in pregnancy, we don't know what we shall end up as, meaning we get them 'just in case'

Elephants can't jump

Whales still have fingers, inside their flippers

Turtles, a SEA creature, still have to birth on land.

Look, the list could go on, but everything is broken. So, there is a choice of two things - either God was on a massive bender when he designed us all, OR something else created us all because we're too flawed to be done by this supposed perfect being.

Tiredness...

2009-06-10T21:23:00.003+01:00

I'm looking at a computer screen right now, and I swear to all that's holy, the brain pixies have crawled in through my ears to the mostly vacant space in my skull, and packed the space around my eyes with cotton wool. Scratchy, fluffy padded cotton wool.

Said pixies have also attached small but significantly heavy invisible weights to my upper and lower eye lids, throwing those attached to the lower lids over the back of my head - pulling them together, or trying to.

My body seems to have had a conference, somewhere in my abs (or the soft pudgy area I laughably call abs) by the feel of it, that area being the most painful to move and therefore the hotbed of resistance, and decided, unanimously, that it's bored now and doesn't want to play anymore, and will not move without serious protest.

My brain is not coping, really, with the complaints. It's a bit like an overwhelmed switchboard, the lower brain functions cataloguing all the issues it's having with my rebellious body, and sending it straight to the upper, or higher brain functions to deal with. Only, the higher brain functions don't care.

I've just gone through the third hardest interview and mental assessment process that Britain, and therefore Europe, can offer. I've driven 400 miles in 4 days, in two chunks, and been bullied tested and browbeaten. I have slept lightly, and eaten little. I've also had an extensive medical examination, where I was told I was healthy enough to be a military grade pilot.

SO why the hell has my body turned against me! Pah, I'm going to bed. If my body is a union, sleep is a concession on wages...

A sports car for no season's

2009-06-04T17:16:00.007+01:00

I'm a spoilt bastard. Terrible, I know but it's the reason that MY new car, is the car you see above this text. Or to the right....left....wherever Blog spot has dropped the image.

That's not my exact car, but it is the same type. Only mine is blue. The best colour ever to have existed. Fact.

So, 22 years old, and I get to drive around and pose in that. However, it is not without problems. Firstly, I'm British, and therefore I have a built in, deep rooted fear of..dare I say it... 'showing off'. I'm a firm adherent to the idea that all British 'celebrities' are actually French. Or American. So, driving through town in a bright blue, open topped car, with everyone looking because the loud engine attracts attention, and listening to my frankly questionable music is a no no. I also can't drive it in town, because it's long, and hard to see out of, and I don't like the idea of it getting scratched.

So towns and cities are out. Ah ha, so I may drive it on country roads! Well, I can, but then it gets really really dirty, because all farmers where I live are ignorant, and liberally spray mud all over everywhere. Then you can't use the windscreen washers because it just fills up the seats with odd smelling water. Plus, British local councils are clinically useless at road maintenance, so my car, with its hard 'sports' suspension, even set to the laughable 'comfort' setting bounces around all over the place, skimming gleefully from pothole to pothole, and crest to crest. It's not comfortable, and as a result I am now a cripple.

So, rural roads are out, as are cities. I tried it on the motorway and that didn't work either, because it was loud, and the 2.5 naturally aspirated 6 cylinder in line engine revs high and smoothly but very very loudly. Try sitting on a leather seat (bouncing around, naturally) with someone in the other seat jabbing a power drill into your ear, and the kind of headache it ill induce, and there you have you're answer.

Plus, it's a powerful rear wheel drive car so if the weather is anything other than sunny I can't take it out, because it will spin and kill me. SO that, in the UK, means I have a 3 day period in the very middle of the year to use it. Only not in towns. Or on motorways. Or on county roads.

hmm.

Yet... yesterday I went to south wales, and the moorlands and everything, finally, made sense. The sun was, for the first time in a million years, since the UK was hovering somewhere near Africa before the continental shelf decided it was too hot and went to sit in the shade of the northern hemisphere, boiling hot. The road was, by divine intervention I'm sure, clear of the old people, cowards, and idiots who usually obscure my progress. The roads were clear and smooth and winding, and the views were spectacular. The cars suspension made sense the nose diving in, hugging the corners before I hit the gas on the apex and roared out, the engine revving up to 8000 revolutions, making a noise like Thor gargling thunder, the perfect balance of a rear wheel drive car meaning when the back stepped out and slid, it was easily controllable on the throttle. Dear lord I had fun, and everything was right with the world.

It made sense, it vindicated my decision to spend £lots on a sports car, and £almost as lots on qualifying for a UK Rally License, and I am now a happy man. I just now must wait another million years until the sun comes out again.

The strain of modern living...

2009-06-03T23:20:00.007+01:00

Once there was a man. I could have chosen woman, but we all know that they still don't get equal pay to men, and for the purposes of this blog, I'd quite like the imaginary vessel of my point to have money enough to make my point. So male he shall be. He is called.... Teddy. No, that's a bit rubbish. Let's call him... Steve.

Steve is a normal guy, with friends, family and a good solid educational background. He leaves university, in £18000 of debt (around $30000 for you Americans out there). He doesn't have to start paying it back to the benevolent bastards in the government until he earns at least £15000 ($28000) a year. Nice for him, isn't it.

So Steve goes out, and gets a job. Lets say, retail. So he sells things all day long, to people, 9 till 5, and takes home a wage of £12000. Steve works hard, and fills his flat with cheap furniture, until one day he gets a promotion. He's now on £16000 ($29000) which means, shock horror, he must pay back his debt! So he begins to pay it off a little a month, as well as all his bills. Being an aspirational kind of chap, he wants more, and works and works, till he can buy a house out in the countryside, and commute to work. But, now he needs a car, and must work harder to gain a car, to make life easier.

Now. Let's say Steve decided to NOT go to uni, NOT get a job, and live as a subsistence farmer up in Scotland. No pay, but then again, he aspires to nothing. He sleeps well, and has a happy content life.

You see, we in the modern world have dug ourselves into a big of a hole. By hole I mean cavern. Quarry. bloody-big-black-pit. Because, you see, we always want more. Then, wanting more, we must gain more money. Yet to gain more money, we must work harder. Then, for the simple reason that we are working harder, we need everything we can to make life easier, simpler - a faster car, one of those big coffee machines Poison talked about, a nicer bed.. whatever. The better the machine, the easier it makes life, yet the better it is the more expensive it is, so the harder we must work.

Sometimes I wonder if we haven't just got ourselves trapped in a horrible cycle, and things could be so much simpler. But then I look at Broadband, and Aston Martins, and iPhone's and realise some things ARE worth striving for. No matter how hard you need to work to get them.

I've landed... insofar as that's possible on the internet...

2009-06-03T11:08:00.001+01:00

How HARD was THAT. I mean come on, finding a good name for my blog? Even now it's cr*ppy, but I have sat here too long, wrapped in my own agony of indecision.

Try it. Try sitting there and thinking of an amusing but serious name for a blog, one that you'd really be happy with. Bet you can't. Bet you a billion pounds you can't.

The very worst thing is, the very worst, is that I know my friend 'Poison' (I won't use her real name, she'll get all Sarcastic at me. Yes, it warrants a Capital Letter) would, with a few seconds thought, be able to think of a better one. Damn her eyes.

But yes, blogging. Don't know why I've signed up, not really... its a good release I suppose. I'm a fairly intolerant person, with idiots, anyway (and is the world full of those or WHAT people!) so being able to come on here and lambaste them (good word eh) from the safety of my computer is a GOOD thing. Therapeutic, you might say.

Will it become a world renowned, famous blog? I doubt it. Will it make me famous? I hope not, I'd like to be famous for something good, like sports or writing, not because some people read my blog and like it. But, will all this stop me? Nah.

Well, there you go chaps and chapettes... chapesses.... say, what is the plural of 'chaps'